How to sell your "rare" pile of shit on Reverb.com

Here is a textbook example of how to sell your pile of shit online:




Here is the ad copy (with some annotations) ;)

  • Takamine GX-100 Explorer Electric Guitar w/ Vintage HSC 
  • Vintage = used 
  •  If you've ever owned one, You Know what this is!
  • You've never owned one of these because, if you had, you'd not be looking at this one. Also, the seller has no idea what it is. He's wondering if you know what it is!
  •  It's a real good one too! Red Mahogany Body
  • Uh....because RED is the best. I said it's a "Real Good One" goddamnit. 
  • Made In Japan
  • True (gasps and murmurs)
  •  Gold GROVER Hardware Upgrade (Pro Job!)
  • Non-original hardware; instead of lowering the value of the guitar (which it has) let's pretend Grover tuners are something to brag about and throw the word "Pro" in there to confuse you. (Walk around in a daze for 15 minutes).
  •  It's got some relic to it. See photos.
  • "Relic" LOL (It's beat up)
  • DiMarzio Ceramic HumBucker Pickups
  • Um, yeah, not really a selling point (at least in my Pro Vintage book)
  • All Electronics Work Perfectly
  • Will not burn your house down.
  •  This Guitar Is An Amazing Player.
  • What the hell does this mean? Nothing. "Amazing" means nothing. Aunt Mary's spaghetti sauce is "amazing" and I don't even have an Aunt Mary. 
  •  Not sure if the case is original but it is very well made. 
  • LOL "not sure" LOL Of course it's not the original case. 
  •  All latches are secure.
  • OK. I feel assured. Latches are reassuringingly secure. 
  •  Missing some foam on the top molding but, The case holds and protects the guitar nicely.
  • Looking at the photo it obviously does not fit the guitar at all. You might as well just put it in a paper bag with some secure latches.
  • I used to own one in the 80's and was psyched when I found this 1.
  • He loved it so much he wants to share his love for it (the "1") with you.
  • But... the 80's thrill is gone. (For Me) It's time to move on. 
  • Yes, the 80s ended in 1990. He's moving on, folks. The "1" is done. The thrill is gone! You don't have to tell me, I lived through the 80s. 
  •  This will make you very happy if you have been looking for one of these! 
  • LOL, WTF? The return of The Thrill. 
  •  I almost want to keep the tuning pegs.
  • Because Grover 
  •  They are the best I've ever used.
  • Not sure whether to hate this liar or feel sorry for never having better tuners than Grover.
  •  Frets are great! Professional set-up.
  • A "pro" folks. A honest-to-god Pro laid his (or her) pro hands on this guitar. It now has pro DNA on it (especially on the Grovers).
  • Don't let the blemishes fool you. This is a great guitar.
  • Previously this guitar was "relic" and now we should not be fooled by the "blemishes" -- it's just "great"
I don't know who Admiral A-hole is but this is just a terrible abuse of language and puffery and nonsense.